Sunday, July 31, 2011

dear photograph

Have you seen this website?

It's so amazing. It's photographs of photographs. The background is the scene of where the original photograph was taken. Here are some of my favorites but you've got to check out the website. I want take one of these photos of my own.

 All photos belong to

Saturday, July 30, 2011

our angel

I've always used this blog to let everyone know what's going on in our lives. It gives me an opportunity to put everything in my life into words. I don't share every aspect of our lives on here but definitely a good portion. Blogging is therapy for me. It's an outlet. So I'm going to use my blog as therapy right now and I'm going to be honest. This post is very detailed and could be too much information but I need to get it all out.

I was beyond excited and shocked when I found out I was pregnant. Such a miracle to get pregnant so fast. But in the back of mind, I knew this couldn't be a healthy pregnancy. I had Julianna, got Mirena, and never had a period. My body wasn't completely ready to support a pregnancy yet. There was no danger in trying and some pregnancies do thrive directly after Mirena.

I hesitated in telling anyone about the pregnancy. I told Josh and of course, he was excited. So he started sharing the news with many people. Josh's mom and sister-in-laws found out from me because of my shock when I found that test in my purse on our trip. Since so many people already knew, I announced the pregnancy here and on Facebook Monday evening since I had a positive blood test on Monday afternoon.

But this is what I didn't share. More information leading to my thoughts in the back of my head being right on. I also had a test Monday to check my hcg levels (pregnancy hormone). A normal pregnancy's hcg levels double about every 48 hours. My levels on Monday were in the upper 300s. The OB wanted me to come back on Wednesday to make sure my levels were increasing. When I got the call on Thursday with my results, I knew what was happening. The nurse said my level had decreased to 318. I knew at that moment I was having a miscarriage. She said if I had any bleeding or abdominal pain to call right away because I would need to be checked out. I only shared this information with Josh. I honestly did have some hope but that nagging feeling that something was really wrong just wouldn't go away.

Sure enough, around 8pm, I started having abdominal pain. Around 9pm, I started bleeding a little. I called the after hours nurse, told her what was going on and about my hcg levels. She gave me some instructions and told me to follow up with my OB in the am. So I got a shower and returned to my phone to find 2 missed calls and one voicemail from that same nurse. She called as I was listening to the voicemail and told me to go ahead and go to the ER. She wanted me to get checked out since I hadn't had any internal exams yet. Josh's mom came to stay with Julianna and we headed to Greensboro.

We arrived around 11pm. I had blood work to check my hcg and to confirm my blood type. I also had an internal exam. I was there until about 2am. All I found out from the visit was that my hcg levels had dropped again, within 24 hours to 232. The doctor in the ER said I needed to meet with my OB first thing in the morning. I just don't think she wanted to be the one to tell me what I already knew. She gave me some paperwork that mentioned the word "miscarriage" but she never once said that word. On the paperwork, it said miscarriage most likely in progress. Seeing those words on paper was hard. Even though I had such a strong feeling about what was happening, I didn't want to see it written down.

We got home around 3am and I got some sleep. I was exhausted. I woke up around 8am in pain. Headache, backache, cramping, much more bleeding. I called my OB office right way, got an appointment, got dressed, and headed to Greensboro. Josh met me at the office. We waited in the exam room for what seemed like forever but more like 20 minutes. She did an internal exam which lasted all of 10 seconds and then sat me up to talk. Now time for answers. I didn't want to hear what she was going to say. Could we just leave and not hear this? No, we had to stay. We needed the information.

She confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. She doesn't think it's a complicated miscarriage, just normal. I will have to return once a week to make sure my hcg levels are going all the way down so they can be sure I'm not having a tubal pregnancy. She gave us instructions for the next few days and months with what we could do next.

We left and got lunch. We sat at lunch trying to figure out how to tell everyone. We had to announce it so that everyone would know that we weren't pregnant anymore. I couldn't hide this. So I posted a simple quote on Facebook: An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth". We let our family know prior to the Facebook update.

We headed home and all I could do was cry while I was driving. My phone was going off like crazy but I couldn't look at it. I was in so much pain. Physically I was hurting but nothing compared to the emotional pain. I wasn't very far along but that was my baby. Our baby. That was supposed to be Julianna's little brother or sister. Why did this have to happen? So many emotions running through me. I haven't cried tears like that in so long. I've never felt this kind of emotional pain. My heart breaks for anyone else who has experienced this kind of pain. 

But our little one will live on as our guardian angel. I know there's a reason and a plan for this happening. Something good will come and a lesson will be learned. There will be a positive outcome. It's so hard to see right now. All I feel is sorrow and pain right now but I know I will come out of this stronger. Seeing my sweet Julianna's face is a great reminder of God's love. 

If I don't return your call, please don't be offended. I'm having a hard time talking about my feelings out loud right now besides to Josh. I just want to be home with my baby and Josh right now. Please keep me in your prayers, for my physical pain to go away fast and to help me cope with the emotional pain. Thank you all so much for all of your support, love, and prayers.

Friday, July 29, 2011

too beautiful for earth

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
 Please keep our family in your prayers. Thank you.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I usually skip the talking on Wednesday and just post photos of my favorite little 1-year old but today we need to talk. I have been feeling a whirlwind of emotions since I saw a faint pink line in my bathroom on Friday morning. I just didn't think it was possible. Not this soon. We've only been trying for one cycle. I assumed it was just a false positive because my hormones were out of whack or something.
I was getting ready to leave for Ashley's girls weekend in South Carolina and I needed to pick up one of my sister-in-laws before we met Josh's mom. I stopped at the store, got a box of 2 pregnancy tests, and then headed to Crystal's house. I did call Josh after I took the first test to give him a heads up, he was excited and shocked as well. I took one of the tests at her house but it literally gave me no result. Nothing. Not a yes or no. What?! More waiting, more guessing, more thinking. We talked a lot on the 20 minutes drive to my mother-in-laws house so that kept me from thinking too much. But when I got there, I headed straight for her bathroom to try the other test. Still after 5 minutes there was no result. We needed to get on the road so I couldn't wait any longer so I just threw the test in the purse and moved on.

Still I couldn't stop thinking. Did I seriously buy 2 defective tests???? This can't be happening! I need information! Let's fast forward about an hour down the road. I forgot my wallet. I left it at my mother-in-laws house in my car. We all agreed that we had to go back and get it so we turn around to get it. Adding 2 hours to our trip. I felt bad, really bad. But everything happens for a reason. After an hour back to the house, I got my wallet, proceeded to put it in my purse, and then I discovered that "defective" test in my purse.

There it was, a big FAT positive sitting in my purse:
I immediately sent this photo to Josh, saying, "I think I'm pregnant, call me." And of course, since my family was in the car, I had to share my discovery. It was a pretty exciting moment! Josh was so excited and I think a little scared as well. Babies are expensive! I assured him that we would be just fine. We've got this! Then it took us girls about double the time to get where we were going. So many crazy things happened to us! But when finally did arrive around 9 (we left around 1 for a 4 hour drive). We told Ashley that one of us was most likely pregnant. So we went to get a box of 3 tests. Shandi, Ashley, and I all took one. Guess who's test was positive?
Of course, MINE! And if that wasn't official enough, they gave me another pregnancy test at the doctor on Monday afternoon.
I got a call from the nurse at my OB office yesterday. My hcg levels were in the 300s so the nurse predicted that I was about 4-5 weeks along. I have to go back in today for another blood test and then I will schedule my ultrasound to give me an exact due date. Julianna and her little brother or sister will be about exactly 24 months apart!

Monday, July 25, 2011

baby number 2 is on the way!

Josh and I are thrilled to announce that baby Soto #2 is on the way! We were in shock when I tested positive on Friday. We have only been trying since late June so this was quite a surprise! God has a plan, that's for sure. I am unsure of my due date right now. It will definitely be late March or early April but I don't have an exact date. I don't have a date for my last period for the ob so I'll have to go back to the doctor soon. We are so excited! Prayers for a healthy 9 months are appreciated!

ashley's bachelorette weekend

This past weekend, I spent my first weekend away from Josh and Julianna. It was nice to get away from town for a little while but I really missed my babies!

I went down to SC with my sister-in-laws and Josh's mom to celebrate his sister's upcoming wedding. We did lots of eating, shopping, talking, and laughing! She had a lingerie shower on Saturday evening and then we went out on the town for her bachelorette celebration. We had such a fun time! More photos to come but here's a few from our girls weekend...

Monday, July 18, 2011

sleeping beauty

How sweet is this?!

let's go camping!

This weekend, Josh and I went on a camping trip with some of our friends from church. Julianna got to spend the weekend with her maw maw and pop pop. We drove down Saturday morning and we were welcome with fog, cold rain, and very cold temperature for July. It was in the 50's when we got there. Yuck! The original plan was to go tubing when we got there on Saturday but that would have been miserable so we just decided to go setup our campsite.

I wasn't prepared for cold temps. I packed summer clothes! So I was freezing! But we still managed to get our campsite setup. The rain finally did let up so we went exploring in the woods beside our campsite. The trees were so beautiful!

 Then the rain started up again but by that time 2 more of our friends got there. We helped them get their campsite up and we got a great fire going. The boys were quite proud of this fire!
Next up was dinner time! We drove about 15 minutes down the road to Shatley Springs. There were a few little shops there, a restaurant, and of course, a spring. Our course Josh had to drink out of the spring water but not like a normal person (see picture below).

We ate family style at the restaurant and it was sooooo good! Fried chicken, baked ham, pinto beans, creamed corn, green beans, biscuits, cabbage, baked apples, mashed potatoes, gravy, and cobbler. Oh my! What a delicious meal! We all overstuffed ourselves! 
When we got back to the campsite, we enjoyed the usually camping fun. Talking, lots of laughing, and smores of course. We cooked a big breakfast and packed up in the morning. We ended up going tubing on Sunday morning when the weather was much better! The temps were in the low 70's and it was partly cloudy when we started out. We had a such an amazing time floating down the river. It was so peaceful! I wish I had pictures of how beautiful it was. Only bad part was that no one applied sunscreen because it was quite cloudy when we left. Mistake! I believe we are all hurting now! Such a fun trip and I can't wait to do it again soon!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

julianna's first popsicle

Remember when I posted about Julianna cutting 4 molars at once? Well, the doctor recommended popsicles made from her favorite juice. So I bought some cheap popsicle molds at Wal-Mart for less than $2. I filled it with juice (Julianna drinks V8 Fusion, the kind with a full serving of fruits and veggies in each cup). Let them setup in the freezer then gave one to my sweet Julianna today. I'll let the pictures tell the story but she loved it! Oh and these were pomegranate blueberry flavored! Mmmm!!!

"say hey" video

adventures with mommy

I really can't believe how fast my summer vacation is flying by. I have to go back to work the first week of August and it's already the middle of July. Julianna and I are trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible before it's time to go back to school.

Yesterday, we met a few of my coworkers for lunch at San Felipe. The pictures below are of sweet Julianna greeting people as they walked passed her. She seemed to get quite frustrated when she didn't get a "hey" back.

After greeting many people, we went inside to get a table. Julianna has a reputation for not behaving at San Felipe for some reason. Almost every time we go, she goes nuts! For example, last time she threw half of quesadilla across the restaurant along with the plate and also attempted to climb on the table after undoing the strap on the high chair. I was soooo ready to leave that day!

I was meeting 3 ladies for lunch. Thankfully they were humored by Julianna being herself. Julianna loves dipping her food in different sauces. She dipped her chip in salsa, and LOTS of it. Then of course she had to try the sour cream. Her chip was completely covered in sour cream. And she just had to dip her half eaten chip in someone else's guacamole dish! Oh goodness! Then she threw a cereal bar and emptied all of the Cheerios out of container before she threw her sippy cup. Fun times!

But she was happy and mommy left with indigestion. Afterwards, we went for some frozen yogurt. Julianna was really good first then she didn't that she wasn't going to sit still and started walking everywhere to say "hey" to new people. At least she's social, friendly, and definitely outgoing! What an afternoon but it wouldn't have traded it for anything!

Our other adventure was this morning. I have wanted to take Julianna to toddler story time at the library since the beginning of summer. I *think* toddlers are technically supposed to be 18 months to go (Julianna is almost 16 months) but I knew of someone else who took their child who is about the same age as Julianna. Sooooo... she had a hard time sitting still and she didn't really pay attention but we did it with no meltdowns! She enjoyed when the lady sang a song and she got to clap. They read 2 books, sang 1 song, and we watched a book on a film strip (I didn't even know those things still existed). Afterwards she played with the other little ones and fell in love with these blocks. I guess that's the next purchase I will be making for her. Overall, I'd say it was successful and we'll definitely try going again.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

four at once

Julianna was super cranky yesterday. More fussy than normal and just not herself. She was pulling at her ear so I was super worried that she had another icky ear infection. So I took her to the doctor, as a "just in case" appointment. She didn't have a temp but I just wanted to make sure she wasn't sick.

Well, she didn't have an ear infection. Just a little extra wax that the doctor cleaned out for us. No temperature. Weighed 21.6 pounds. Healthy! Only thing that could be causing the cranky Julianna would be ALL four of her molars cutting through at the same time. All four are really swollen. One of them is halfway through and the other three have started to cut through. I would be mad too.

I like an appointment where I leave without needing to get medicine filled at the pharmacy. The only thing she needed was some homemade juice popsicles to soothe her gums.

And some fun pictures I haven't shared yet: