Saturday, June 7, 2014

from the heart: the "perfect" family

I'm pretty sure I have written this particular blog post out in my head at least a dozen times. It's something that has been on my heart for quite awhile. After reading this blog post from Tales of the Mommy Trenches, I decided it was time to put my thoughts into words.

I must begin with saying that becoming a mother as been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I absolutely love being a mom. Even during the stressful moments, I know that I am fulfilling my calling to be a parent. 

Josh and I decided to start trying for our first child in February of 2009 on Valentine's Day. He took me out on an amazing date and we talked about it at dinner. We had only been married about 8 months but we had talked about how we wanted children even when we were dating. In July 2009, we conceived our first child, our sweet Julianna. From that moment, the talks of whether it was a boy or a girl began. When I got pregnant, I never really thought about that. I thought about how thankful I was to have this child in my womb and how scared I was of having so much responsibility. Josh and I had no preference regarding the gender- we were just excited. I am a huge planner so I had to know what I was having so I could plan accordingly. We were so excited to find out that we would soon be parents of a little girl.

Within the next few weeks as the news of our baby's gender spread, I remember people asking us (particularly Josh), if we had been hoping for a boy. I just couldn't believe it. I never had a preference in gender because it really didn't matter to me and it wasn't up to me. God chose to bless us with a daughter. I wasn't disappointed for this is His plan for our lives, to raise a daughter.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 123:7 (ESV)

And then comes my third (I miscarried my second child) pregnancy and the gender talks and "perfect" family discussions start. I heard more people telling me how they hoped I was having a boy so that we would have the "perfect" family since we already had a girl. Why is one girl and one boy considered a "perfect" family? I honestly just don't understand. Every family in my eyes is "perfect" because that is what God planned for them. I feel like we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if we believe that a family must consist of one girl and one boy. There is absolutely nothing wrong in hoping you have a girl or boy but I would never try for another child just to conceive a specific gender. Children are a blessing.

image via pinterest
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
James 1:17 (ESV)

This brings me to now. I have two daughters and I love them with all of my heart. We have so much fun together and I never feel like I am missing out on anything because I don't have a boy. Josh feels the same way and he is an amazing father to our daughters. We have always wanted a third child and many people know that. We hear constantly, "are you ready to try for that boy?" or "it's time for a boy!" These questions and comments really drive me crazy. Let's change the way we discuss children: "are you ready to try for another child? and "it's time for another child!" Let's not be gender specific in these types of questions or comments. If we have another girl, we will be thrilled (and no, we won't try a fourth time to get a boy). If we have a boy, we will be thrilled. 

Can we all join together to say that the "perfect" family is a family that is filled with love and hearts that are for God? A "perfect" family is less than perfect but shows each other grace and forgiveness. The "perfect" family laughs together and cries together.

The perfect family is your family and mine. 

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